W.T.H.A.I?

I'm all dizzy on what? A 'splash' of brandy in milk. Tasted vile. Almost threw it up. Why'd I drink it? Because I wanted to feel better. Fuck that's a bad reason. I should have known that from last time. But someone told me it'd help me de-stress, so me, being the total idiot that I am, downed it as fast as I could handle. Had little to eat today. Couldn't find anything to eat - had some toast, cereal. Couldn't hold down much.

I'm scared. I'd never admit that but I can't be fucked not writing. I can't be fucked making a new blog that nobody reads. I guess I'm just counting on the fact that no one gives a shit to read this anyway.

My head feels like shit. I'm sure I'm going to throw up soon. I feel like dragging a knife across my skin. I feel like punching a wall in. Several of them. I feel like crying. I feel like none of this is me. I can see who I want to be, and it only makes me feel worse because I can't... I can't get there.

...disregard everything I said. I'm all dizzy. Probably tipsy. Not drunk. I just want to cry.. I want someone to hold me close and let my cry until I fall asleep, and stay with me.

This is my insecure inside. My broken soul. My shattered being... Who the hell am I!?