It's been a while since I have been here. Since I have written. Since I have expressed myself... and even here it is not safe to expose all my inner demons and thoughts. Some of my friends may still check this - and that would be bad right now. If I were to expose those feelings. Those inner hurts. The things I need to deal with the most. They attack you in nibbles, pinches, and needles. They grow in numbers until you unravel peice by peice. So I will simply ap;oewrughpaewlrn.kjg haosriwuthkgba;wsoughbf;awe igdyv TLDSFI,.k ......................................OK so that wasn't a good idea as I almost closed the page... XD It says "voice my frustrations in jibberish!" Anyway. I am too tired to really express anything anymore... I've been sitting here doing nothing for 45 minutes. I keep thinking about all those things bothering me. The things I don't want to tell anyone incase I hurt them, or burden them. Maybe they would say I never learn and hug me. Maybe they wouldn't understand at all. Maybe they would laught it off... Who knows. Now I know the hurt is still there... but I am in a distant place. Away from all of that. Alone... in the empty dark place that only I know. It reminds me of that story I wrote... "The Silver Blade." I had one person call it beautiful, and another tell me to put it away and never show anyone again. If someone actually asked, I guess I would share it... Otherwise I don't really bring it up... but tonight... I guess I feel that way. I feel like a part of me is missing, that I cannot function without it. So I'm not really living... just struggling through until I get it back. I am so selfish. I could write forever, but I cannot. So for now, I'll keep pretending people read this... that somebody out there reads these and understands something of it. Something of me. Goodnight