Sighs and Currents

*sighs a long tired sigh* ...I am sick of fighting. Life is like the ebbs and flows of the ocean currents - the tugs and pulls in all directions that do tend to have a natural path you do not see at first. For me, I wonder if I may ever actually find that path, or just the tugs and pulls and whispers of the oceans currents.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning out here - where's here? It's just a place, and I'm just numb. There's only one place I really want to be and I cannot... Even when I get to it doesn't seem to help =/ What the hell is wrong with me? Why isn't there some sort of diagnosis or SOMETHING? No one seems to really care - those I mean, that could do something about it: I.E. My doctor. She just says see a school councilor and rest. The school councilor (was my last option and sometimes it actually helps) tells me to sleep more and try not to help so many people...

I feel like with each sigh a little more life drains out of me as I sink deeper and deeper... Deciding whether I should let out my last breath and have a sense of peace, or to endure the many pains that tug and pull me through ocean currents that have a destination of their own that I cannot see... This is a dark place, and the only lights seem to be fading and flickering away... One by one... =( I do not like to be like this... relaxing and just letting these tugs and pulls take me where they will wouldn't work either...

So right now, it's just sighs and currents.