Understanding is Misunderstood.

Why don't I just GIVE UP. For crying out loud this is just stupid... I'm slowly killing myself anyway - and I find myself saying more and more frequently: "I just can't take much more of this..."

Well I can't. I'm just sitting here, staring at this stupid screen and wondering what the hell comes next. This WAS a place where I didn't have to worry about what I wrote or how I felt, and I guess I still write like it is... I do not write the way I used to, and I miss it - my poetic, simple but true to my emotions type of writing turned to this mess of my mind.

It's times like now I feel utterly alone and miserable... I need someone's shoulder to cry on type of mood I suppose but still pushing everyone away, even though I never really cry anyway. So what - I really don't care anymore? Nah, of course I do... The problem lies therein that I just cannot. There is too much to wrap my head around and too many different pains inside of me to deal with anymore...

I wrote that top half about an hour ago, and a friend randomly spoke to me before I could continue... If anything they reminded me that I am not alone, and that others have gone through similar pains... It's not about whether others feel pain, but more if they can come to UNDERSTAND each other and respect the hurts and be there for one another... This lesson... I already knew it but everyone needs to hear it everyday - understanding is something that is nearly always misunderstood.

...Feeling lost and alone, it's mainly caused by misunderstanding and having no one there that could even just help you through it. Who knows what the hell I'll do next... At least I can give trying to understand a shot and see where it takes me...